I’ll be the first to admit it — in my younger leadership days, when a direct report brought me a strategy I knew wasn’t going to work, I’d redirect them immediately. “No, do it this way.” Efficient? Absolutely. Effective long-term? Not even close.
Here’s what I’ve learned since then:
The most impactful thing you can do in a 1:1 isn’t giving answers. It’s asking better questions.
So many of us leaders fall into the same trap. Our calendars are packed. The to-do list is endless. Someone brings us a problem, and we solve it for them because it’s faster. “Do this. Then do that.” We’re not bad leaders for doing it — we’re just busy ones.
But every time we tell someone what to think, we rob them of the chance to learn how to think.
The Moment That Changed My Approach
I had a direct report present a strategy to me that I could feel in my gut wasn’t going to land. Old me would have stepped in and course-corrected on the spot. But I’d gained just enough wisdom to try something different.
Instead of redirecting, I asked questions. Not gotcha questions — genuine coaching questions designed to help them examine their own thinking:
“What assumptions are we making here?”
“What does this look like from the customer’s perspective?”
“What would we do if this option weren’t available?”
Something remarkable happened. They didn’t just find the gap in their strategy — they realized they had rushed to a conclusion too quickly, skipping the messy middle where the best ideas actually live. And the strategy they came up with next? Far better than anything I would have handed them.
More importantly, they owned it. Because it was theirs.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Decades of research in Self-Determination Theory — pioneered by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan — consistently shows that autonomy is one of the most powerful drivers of job satisfaction, engagement, and performance. Not salary. Not title. The feeling that you have agency over your own work and decisions.
Studies have found that when managers are empowering and supportive of autonomy, employees are more autonomously motivated, more creative, and more satisfied with their jobs. Conversely, when employees feel coerced and controlled by their supervisors, they report lower motivation and higher burnout.
The return on investment isn’t abstract, either. One organizational analysis found that training managers to be more autonomy-supportive yielded a greater than 3-to-1 return through improved employee well-being and reduced turnover costs. When you coach someone through a problem instead of solving it for them, you’re not just developing their skills. You’re meeting a fundamental psychological need.
The Short Game vs. The Long Game
Yes, coaching takes longer than directing. That first conversation where you bite your tongue and ask questions instead of giving orders? It’s painful. It would be so much faster to just say the thing.
But here’s the math that matters: You can solve one problem in five minutes by telling someone the answer. Or you can invest fifteen minutes teaching them how to think through problems — and never have to solve that type of problem for them again.
As Adam Grant puts it: “We learn more from people who challenge our thought process than those who affirm our conclusions.”
That’s the whole game. Your job as a leader isn’t to be the smartest person in the room. It’s to make the room smarter.
A Simple Framework for Your Next 1:1
Next time a direct report brings you a problem or a strategy, resist the urge to jump in with the answer. Instead, try:
- Expand their lens. “What are we not seeing here? Who else is affected by this?”
- Stress-test assumptions. “What would have to be true for this to work? What’s the biggest risk?”
- Explore alternatives. “If we couldn’t do it this way, what would we try instead?”
- Let them decide. “Based on what we’ve talked through, what do you think the right call is?”
The magic is in that last question. When they arrive at the answer themselves, they don’t just execute a plan — they build the judgment to make better decisions next time, and the time after that.
The leaders who scale aren’t the ones with all the answers. They’re the ones who build teams that don’t need to ask.
Teach your people how to think, and watch what happens.
References
Deci, E. L., Olafsen, A. H., & Ryan, R. M. (2017). Self-determination theory in work organizations: The state of a science. Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior, 4, 19–43. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-orgpsych-032516-113108
Grant, A. (2021). Think again: The power of knowing what you don’t know. Viking.
